5 Jun 2012

I am tired

I do not want to live in a country where what a person is, is more important than who he is.I don't want to live in a family where I am an afterthought, where 3+1 is the norm.I do not want a father who is a man of vast power but little time.I do not want to live in a family where my worth is measured in only how well I perform academically, where appearances must be kept up at all times and rules can be bent for the figurehead but for no one else.I do not want to live in a family which is fond of hiding their head in the sand and subject like divorce and affairs are a big no-no.You know my medical condition, yet you never tried to look it up online, never bothered to find out the effects of my condition.Serious effects like depression, yet why do I wonder, I am used to you running the state, I shouldn't even be surprised. Anything that smacks of potential trouble is hidden away in the closet and your daughter comes under that category.God forbid should anyone find out she needs some therapy sessions.

Running away instead of making a scene is seen as bad but making a scene is also bad.Im tired of knowing people only see my sirname when they see me, tired of being introduced as my father's daughter.

I never needed your money or your power behind me, I could stand on my feet.I only needed time and understanding.Affection was far out of my dreams.I never wanted to be your obligation because in the society's eyes I was born in your home.This house is no longer mine, if it ever was.I can no longer please you with my thoughts, yet I cannot banish them for to do that would be to deny myself.Everything I say or do is a rebellion in your eyes.So be it.I can remove myself from your sphere, I know the other child will provide all the succor you need.

My heart is an emotional wasteland, nothing grows here any more.The plants have all withered away and the shrieking winds seem to shear the barren rocks. The skies are perpetually grey and churning.The rain always on the horizon.......


seraphicgirl1986 said...

you write so beautifully anna! Glad you found me, now im going to follow you!!!

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